Magnificent courage and great love.

Hello lovelies,

With three days left of 2016, that conceptual construct of time which exists only in words makes me reflect on the year gone by. It happens this way for me most years and also on those terrible birthdays that end with a zero. I go into a phase of wondering what it’s all about and get a bit freaked out at the lack of true meaning that underlies almost all of our activities. This year it was exacerbated by a very minor health upset that made me think even more deeply about life, death and all the stuff in between and I got caught up in the idea of us all distracting ourselves and wrote the following a couple of weeks ago………..

Is distraction the enemy of inner growth?

I have this theory that we are all constantly distracting ourselves from the lack of real meaning in our lives. Instead of searching for what that might be for us personally, we turn away from the existential inquiry and towards anything that will make us forget that we have no fucking idea how life works and what might be the point of it all. We make ourselves busy accumulating wealth and possessions that will soon be lost to us or gathering knowledge that doesn’t answer our deepest questions. 

Are we game enough to face the real questions? The answer is mostly no. But the result of this lack of courage is that there forever remains the sense of purposelessness to all of our activities.

What about doing things for others? Caring for others? This seems like a good purpose because it gets us closer to an answer which does have some depth, namely letting go of self and placing our love and attention on others. In this way we come closer to some truth perhaps about the lack of true existence of the self.

But I knew that I was on the wrong track because it is clear that this brief discussion comes from a place of anger and anger is always mistaken, that much I know. The anger arose from the truth of suffering that we see all around us all the time and from which no one will be spared. The truth can be hard to face. Hmmmm……am I cheering anyone up yet? Getting you pumped for 2017? Stay with me…..

Then I was in Westfield Bondi Junction doing some Christmas shopping and instead of being overwhelmed by meaninglessness which would be entirely possible, I had an epiphany. I was standing by the edge of a glassed in balcony, elbows on the ledge and Christmas carols playing in the background, looking below at the thousands of people rushing in all directions and rather than this sense of pointlessness, I had a powerful feeling of love. This huge surge of emotion swelled from the centre of my chest and almost left me breathless, a bit dizzy.

I looked at the lot of us going about our daily lives clearly not understanding what it’s all about but doing it anyway and I thought about how wonderful we all are. I pushed off the ledge and walked through the mall smiling like an idiot and wanting to hug everybody and tell them how great I thought they were and how much I loved them. I refrained so that nobody called Westfield security to escort me out and went home humming Christmas carols.

I thought about all the difficulties that each of us faces and will face and felt such affection for the whole crazy bunch of us and the courage that we muster each and every day to go on buying the gifts and trying our best with each other. Look at us doing all the things we do without really knowing why! Where does the energy, the drive come from to keep on with it all? It comes from love. It couldn’t be anything else. We just keep on trying to love each other as best we can and surely this takes immense courage.

So I just want to thank all of you, my friends, family and the whole lot of you for having such courage, for having such love, and for being part of my life right now or in the past or maybe the future. I have that same feeling in my chest right now with my heart thumping away and giddiness at telling you all how special you are to me. I wish happiness to each and every one of you for 2017 and love always, always……….

K.x 

 

Cheers to 2017.